Sometimes, walking away seems easier than staying back and getting hurt. “But hurt me all you can, I’ll stay with you because I love you”. I heard love is patient and kind… So, I won’t shout at you when you bad mouth ‘the Blues’ and Mourinho. I’d like to give you a lecture on what it takes to be numero uno. But because you think Arsene Wenger is the greatest of all time, I’ll accept your point of view and keep praying for you to see the light. And while doing so, I’ll buy you popcorn and a branded bottle of cold coke and hold your hands while I painfully watch the gunners play… what else could be kinder?. Love is not Jealous…. so keep eating the juicy chicken and giving me the local fowl that makes me feel like I’m chewing on sand paper… you think I don’t know your shenanigans? Ji sie ike! I’ll be fine. At least you have a smile on your face while eating… that’s the joy of my heart. Love is not boastful… if only I could remind you how handsome Marion Jones thought I was. Ok, yes it was in my dreams quite alright, but it felt real. I don’t want to brag about that, cos you’d feel bad. You know, I try not to look so hot when we go on a date, that way, you steal the show and everyone thinks you are more beautiful than I. I know they are right, cos you are the finest thing I have seen since Agege bread and hot Akara. Love does not insist on its own right or its own way… I’m half Calabar and I like Edi ka ikong, just the way the Calabar man knows it. What you serve me is Idi ku akong, more like a strange brother of the beloved staple soup. But it taste nothing short of perfect, I couldn’t find a single fault in your idi ku akong. The water was more than the vegetable. You garnished it with a single piece of half boiled meat. It looked more like something for Bingo or Bruno… I licked my hands after the meal. I enjoyed it because it cost you a lot of sweat, pains and joy to prepare it for me. Thank you. Love takes no account of the evil done to it… on your birthday, I cleared my account for you. You remember that diamond ring I bought you? They say only Aliko and Mr. Buffet had bought one before. Yet, you don’t even respect it. I see the way u cut catfish and deep your hand in big bowls of ground beans with that ring on your finger. Can’t you remove it when you want to make moi-moi? Ahn! Ahn! That ring is worth thirteen years of my hard work o. Then on my birthday, you send me a text message ‘God go make you bigger hubby… I love you. xoxoxo’. I choose not to remember. You didn’t even buy buns with your own money for me. You still had to ask me where I’m taking you to on my birthday. I’ll take you out on yours, on mine, on that of the kids too. I dey vex. But the sparkle in your eyes when I do take you out keeps me wanting to take you out. Can I take you out when Chelsea wins the league? Ok.., it’s not time to fight again, Arsene Wenger is still the greatest. Love is ever ready to believe the best of every person… I knew you snored, before we got married. But I didn’t know it was this legendary. It is bad enough that you keep me awake most nights, but it’s more traumatic when our neighbor sees me and begins to tell me how there’s a drug that can help me with my snoring disorder. He said: “mehn! Your snoring is matured, it’s on a different level”. I just smiled. But how do I tell him it’s not me? Off course, I’ll defend you in public till I die. I believe the best of you. I overheard mama Junior say she felt sorry for you because she is sure I keep you awake every night & that if it were she, I would sleep in the parlor every night. I immediately had a vision flash before my eyes of me walking toward her and blessing her on the face with my five fingers. You know, I mean that kain slap that reboots ones memory… I had to rebuke the devil because I’m born again. But since love never fails, I know one day you will believe in Mourinho and become a Chelsea fan, I believe you’ll cook Edi Ka Ikong like my beautiful Calabar mum does. I know you will buy me a Ferrari on my birthday, someday… I’m binding that spirit of el cheapo that keeps prompting you to send me sms’ only, on such days. You will snore no more in the good bye and bye, but till then, I’m sticking by you through thick and thin because I love you. 🙂
P.S:….its Tuesday, I won’t be home on time today… I know its Edi ka ikong with semovita on the menu. When last did I do something nice for Mfon the gate man? Just bless him with my own share tonight and maybe we can even bless him with my night meal every Tuesday. Let’s think about it. Love ya!
I just rephrased 1st Corinthians 13 vs 4-8 (Amplified version) in my own funny way. Jesus’ love for me is Legendary. If you liked it, drop a comment, share link, tell someone about page. Thanks.
Written by Richard Oti.
Facebook: Richard Oti
Image: Courtesy – Henorstag